When people think of ADHD, a specific picture often comes to mind: the fidgety schoolboy who can’t sit still, talks too much, never finishes his work, and is constantly in trouble for blurting out answers or ‘messing about’.
However, this stereotype is just one face of ADHD, but because it has been the face, many other people who are ADHD have gone unidentified and missed out on much-needed support. Think of the quiet child staring out of the window often described as “off with the fairies”. Or the woman whose ADHD only comes into focus later in life, as hormonal changes during perimenopause amplify long-standing struggles with focus, organisation, and overwhelm. Struggle, which social conditioning made her mask and pushed through, never understanding why her exhaustion and periods of burnout kept returning.
For these people, it is common to only recognise their ADHD after seeing someone else diagnosed. Looking back, they notice a lifetime of unfinished projects, restless energy, feeling different, and maybe frustration at not reaching their potential. They may never have been anything close to the ‘fidgety schoolboy’ described above.
For many, this has led to a lifetime of judgment, microaggressions, and misunderstanding about their struggles. Over time, this also fosters a harsh inner critic, as the roots of their difference remain unclear even to them, resulting in low self-esteem and limited self-compassion.
A more complex picture
ADHD is actually a complex and varied condition. No two people have the same profile. For some, the restless energy is internalised, showing up as racing thoughts or mental overactivity rather than physically bouncing off the walls with what appears to be excess energy. Others present quietly, appearing dreamy, withdrawn, or a perfectionist as they overcompensate to hide their struggles. Emotional intensity, time blindness, and hypersensitivity to environments are just as real as fidgeting or impulsivity.
In addition to this, woven alongside are remarkable strengths. Many people with ADHD experience hyperfocus – that deep absorption in something meaningful where hours disappear, distractions fall away, and the thing produced is fulfilling, sometimes extraordinary. ADHD minds are often wired for imaginative and creative thinking too – where others see a single path, someone with ADHD might see ten, making unexpected connections and opening up new possibilities for themselves and others. I’ve seen clients light up when they realise that the “tangents” they once apologised for are actually sources of innovation and creativity.
There is also a particular resilience that comes from living in a world not built for you. ADHDers often grow resourceful, quick to adapt, and courageous in taking risks others avoid. The restless energy that is often seen as a problem can, in a different context, become fuel, passion, and momentum that propel the person and the projects they are involved in forward. Even the much-misunderstood ‘sensitivity’ has another side. It isn’t only about overwhelm; it can also mean picking up on subtleties others miss: the nuance in a conversation, the emotional undercurrents in a room, or the detail that makes a design work. Far from being “too much,” this perceptiveness is often a gift in relationships, creativity, and leadership. And perhaps most importantly, many people with ADHD bring vast amounts of empathy, humour, and warmth. Emotional intensity doesn’t only mean frustration; it can also mean joy, compassion, and connection.
The danger of stereotypes
Clinging to stereotypes is not just inaccurate; it can actively harm people. I recently came across a mentor matching service that decided never to pair two ADHD people together. They presented this as a selling point, but what I heard was a black-and-white view of neurodiversity.
Her assumption that two people with ADHD won’t be able to help one another was deeply flawed. Putting personality differences aside (which, of course, are a factor in any pairing, ADHD or not), bringing together ADHD people is often highly informative. They empathise more easily with parallel lived experiences, even if their challenges are different. They will undoubtedly have lots of strategies and ideas to share. And their support of each other is, in fact, likely to be especially powerful simply because they are both ADHD.
This assumption that the ADHD person is ‘broken’ in some way runs deep within society’s thinking and the systems built around it. Too often, ADHD is viewed through the lens of its challenges, and the temptation is to focus on “fixing” or “overcoming” neurodivergence rather than honouring it. Yet, as explored above, ADHD also brings great strengths.
Journeying through diagnosis
Identifying one’s ADHD is important as it is through this that people can begin to live life in a way which is healthy for them. They can access support, but also, as crucially, they can embrace their amazing skills and strengths, rebalancing their lived experience with self-compassion, kindness and positivity.
Everyone’s life and diagnostic journey is different, but there are a few common themes. The sad truth is that in the absence of behaviours associated with the ADHD stereotype, many only start looking for a diagnosis when things seem to be ‘going wrong’, when they are struggling more than their peers, managers have suggested there are problems with their performance, or when their mental health is suffering. Hyper-aware of the things they struggle with, their incredible strengths and skills can easily be ignored or simply dismissed as their ‘normal’- so often unaware of them are they, they only focus on the significant impact of their challenges. And society, while perhaps noticing the odd standout moment of brilliance, follows the person around with ‘why can’t you just…’ statements, undermining the brief moments they shine.
Identifying ADHD can be a game-changer. The identity transition can feel overwhelming, but ultimately can lead to affirming self-acceptance, growth and flourishing as the person understands they are not broken, just different.
Why this year’s theme really resonates for me
The Many Faces of ADHD invites us to recognise that ADHD is not a single story but a spectrum of lived experiences. The reality is that ADHD can look like disorganisation and missed appointments, but it can also look like creativity, compassion, and laser focus. Context is everything: what can feel like chaos in one situation can be brilliance in another. By broadening our understanding beyond stereotypes, we challenge stigma and open the door for diagnosis, allowing people to see themselves reflected in the conversation.
A different perspective
Like many in the neurodivergent community, I don’t see neurodivergence as something to be managed away. I see it as part of the richness of human diversity. And, because I am neurodivergent myself, I know from lived experience how much difference it makes to be welcomed in spaces where my brain is respected for what it is.
When people share insights and experiences, swap strategies, or sit with the relief of not being alone, it creates a powerful foundation for a change in mindset.
As a coach, I see daily how important it is to move beyond the single story of ADHD. When we make space for all its faces, the values, strengths and strategies, as well as the challenges, we create room for people to embrace their identity with greater compassion and find ways of working with, rather than against, their unique brain.
Embrace every face
If you’ve ever wondered whether the many faces of ADHD might include your own, or you’re ready to explore what life could look like when you stop fighting against your brain, I’d love to talk.
