Category: ADHD

  • Energy Accounting: A powerful tool for neurodivergent people

    Energy Accounting: A powerful tool for neurodivergent people

    Living well when you’re neurodivergent involves more than juggling tasks or coping with sensory overload. One of the most significant and often invisible considerations is our energy level. Being low on energy can turn something manageable one moment into an overwhelming, nigh-on-impossible struggle the next. This is one of the experiences of being neurodivergent, which has led neurodivergent commentators to reject the high/low functioning descriptor – catch us in a moment of true overwhelm, and we will be really struggling to function at all – but that discussion is for another post.

    For neurodivergent people, whose daily lives may involve significant additional cognitive load, sensory labour and masking, energy drains take many forms. The good news is that with a proactive approach, it is possible to shape the experience rather than simply react to it.

    Understanding the origins of the concept

    The idea of actively engaging with ones energy levels comes from Christine Miserandino’s ‘Spoon Theory’. While chatting with a friend in a café in 2003, she tried to explain what it felt like to live with her chronic illness (lupus). She handed twelve spoons to her friend and asked her to talk through a typical day from the moment she woke. She then removed a spoon for each task or demand her friend listed. Quite quickly, it became apparent her friend was going to run out of spoons before the day was even half over – somewhat predictably, her friend asked for more spoons. Christine smiled – there were no more spoons.

    In this way, Christine illustrated how every choice consumes a limited resource.

    While the spoon metaphor is powerful, energy accounting takes it a few steps further. More than tracking how many ‘spoons’ remain, it looks at what those drains are, and crucially what may give back spoons and how to balance these out.

    Why It Matters for Neurodivergent Brains

    Neurodivergent people often experience the world with heightened sensitivity, have different processing styles, and have varying levels of tolerance for stimulation and unpredictability. What feels “fine” to others might be completely draining for a neurodivergent person.

    You might be familiar with the idea that the brain has different parts: a “rational” part, an “emotional” part, and a “survival” part. In fact, these elements are deeply intertwined. Our survival instincts, emotions, and logical reasoning aren’t separate; they’re constantly influencing one another, and low energy levels will affect all of them.

    While we often believe we ‘should’ be able to think our way out of a panic or “logic” our way through burnout, that’s not how it works. Every part of our brain plays a role in how we respond to stress, joy, fatigue, or excitement. And the level of energy at any moment in time directly affects how fully we engage.

    Sometimes the strategies we use to cope, like withdrawing, avoiding tasks, or shutting down, are actually signs our brain is trying to manage its energy in a difficult situation. Our brain is prioritising survival in the moment, even if the long-term outcome isn’t ideal. We may be totally unaware of this; that’s why consciously understanding our own energy budget is so powerful: it helps us notice when we’re heading toward depletion and enables us to take steps to recover before things spiral. It also helps us build in more energy gains, so we’re not constantly running on empty.

    When we understand what gives us energy and what takes it away, we can begin to make conscious choices about our day, our environment, and our relationships. We can start designing our lives to support our nervous systems, rather than constantly pushing through until we crash.

    Learning to recognise our energy drains and gains can be a gamechanger.

    What drains and what re-energises?

    Recognising that there will be many times each day when our energy is drained away, often in ways that have little to no impact in a neurotypical person’s life, enables us to build in activities and time to counteract this. For many neurodivergent people, this requires a more proactive approach to managing energy levels.

    Unfortunately, there is no magic list of activities; the drains and gains will be different for everyone. In neurodivergent lives, energy drains may lie in places we might not immediately expect. It is probably relatively easy to identify drains on a macro level: ‘school’ or ‘work’. In these instances, it is rarely possible to remove oneself entirely, so it becomes much more about identifying specific elements and finding accommodations to support these moments or activities that provide energy gains before or after.

    By zooming in, it is possible to identify specific drains:

    • A noisy, early-morning commute
    • A long, uninterrupted meeting
    • Flickering lights across the office
    • Sudden changes in room allocation in the school day
    • Masking around work colleagues
    • Specific locations or people

    On the flip side, energy gains might not look like traditional “relaxation” activities either:

    • Stimming
    • Timeout with someone who understands your rhythms
    • Deep focus on your special interest
    • High-intensity physical activity
    • A sensory break or specific sensory stimulation
    • Walking in deep shade on a sunny day (one of mine)
    • A compression garment or weighted blanket
    • Planning activities around peak energy windows

    Choosing your own measurement system

    Keeping track of both drains and gains gives you a clearer picture of your energy budget. Monitoring energy levels in this way can feel somewhat artificial until the practice becomes established. But assuming the metaphor and scale being used ‘makes sense’ to you, there should be some wins appearing very quickly.

    The spoon metaphor works beautifully for some, but many prefer something more personalised. The key is to choose a visual scale which is both engaging and easily understood. For example: weighing scales, marbles in a jar, slices of pizza, a thermometer, or a bank account. The important thing is that the system allows for adding and taking away (the drain / gain concept).

    When working with children, the metaphor may need to be adapted to feel safe and engaging. It is tempting to tie the practice to their special interest, but beware negative emotions becoming attached to something which, for them, is highly affirming, supportive and important. Make it simple, consistent and meaningful.

    Building the habit of energy accounting

    Energy accounting isn’t about eliminating all energy drains (life doesn’t work like that – we need to access education, we need to work if we can). And of course, many of the things that drain us, we actually really enjoy. Contrary to popular belief, many autistic people are highly social; many want and do work. Rather, it is about noticing how you can mitigate the energy drain in these situations, and make space for things that energise you.

    It might mean saying no to back-to-back meetings. It might mean keeping a fidget toy in your pocket. It might mean putting a ten-minute nature walk into your calendar every day.

    Identifying big drains (work, school, parenting) may feel straightforward, but the real power lies in noticing the small nuances:

    • Which meetings leave you depleted and why?
    • Which activities or people leave you energised in a surprising way?
    • Are there certain times of day when your system feels more fragile?
    • What sensory, social or cognitive factors shift your energy on a micro-level?

    Once you have your scale and you’ve begun mapping out your drains and gains, you’ll notice opportunities for some fast wins. These small changes can reduce the constant uphill battle of just ‘getting by’.

    Making sustainable change

    Over time, as clients become more familiar with what drains and what energises, I have found they naturally begin to slot in accommodations and micro-breaks that make a real difference. And over time, a monitoring system that perhaps felt artificial becomes intuitive.

    Sustainable change happens when we recognise that our brains and bodies have clear energy needs, and that, by honouring them rather than pushing on through, we not only get by but also begin to thrive.

    Why this matters in coaching

    In my work coaching neurodivergent adults and their families, energy accounting is one of the foundational tools I use. When we don’t have a handle on how much energy we have (and where it goes), even the best strategies are undermined by fatigue, overwhelm or burnout.

    I help clients explore not only what their goals are, but also how to put themselves in the strongest possible position to work towards them, and often this first means understanding and managing energy drains and gains.

    Practical energy accounting unlocks self-awareness, enables positive, achievable strategies, and improves self-compassion.

    If you’d like to explore how this concept might work for you, your family, workplace or education setting, why not book a free discovery call, and let’s start your journey towards clearer energy awareness and a life shaped by you.

  • Some lesser known sides to ADHD

    Some lesser known sides to ADHD

    When most people think of ADHD, they picture the familiar traits of distractibility, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. But for many, these are just one part, albeit a considerable part of something more complex. For many people, there are additional struggles which can appear random or unconnected: unusual levels of muscle tension, restless legs, challenges around posture, battling sleep issues, irregular eating patterns or challenges with specific tastes or textures.

    Research suggests these issues can be connected to how the ADHD brain and body experiences the world. And this in turn creates an additional layer to how the ADHD person feels, moves, and experiences day-to-day life.

    Understanding this bigger picture can help to explain why people might find it so hard to:

    “Just relax”

    “Just go to bed earlier”

    “Sit up straight”

    “Stop being so picky”

    “Just stop and think”

    The research suggests these aren’t failures of willpower, nor wilful disobediences, but possibly the impact of neurological differences.

    Recognising this can help people make small but meaningful changes to support themselves. Simple adjustments like stretching regularly to ease muscle tension, keeping a bottle of water in one’s sightline to counter dehydration, or building routines around sleep and nutrition can all make a significant difference in the day-to-day life of the ADHD person.

    Making sense of lifelong patterns

    This is why identifying their ADHD can be such a turning point for so many people. For adults who discover their diagnosis later in life, not only can it suddenly make sense of years of confusion or self-criticism, but it can also begin to link together all those experiences that once felt separate or inexplicable. It can reframe a lifetime of questions and self-blame.

    This clarity can be deeply healing. When people realise these patterns are not personal character failings but features of their neurotype, self-compassion grows. Knowing that these are likely influenced by the way their brain and body communicate can transform the way they speak to themselves. It opens up space to consider what they need, rather than what they think they “should” be able to do / be / feel.

    From there, it becomes easier to seek support. Coaching, therapy, occupational support, or nutritional advice can all help, replacing years of self-criticism with something far more sustaining: acceptance, curiosity, and compassion.

    An ADHD coach is one way to start unpicking this. If this resonates with you, why not book a Discovery call and see how we could work together to improve things for your day-to-day?

  • The many faces of ADHD: Beyond the stereotype

    The many faces of ADHD: Beyond the stereotype

    When people think of ADHD, a specific picture often comes to mind: the fidgety schoolboy who can’t sit still, talks too much, never finishes his work, and is constantly in trouble for blurting out answers or ‘messing about’.

    However, this stereotype is just one face of ADHD, but because it has been the face, many other people who are ADHD have gone unidentified and missed out on much-needed support. Think of the quiet child staring out of the window often described as “off with the fairies”. Or the woman whose ADHD only comes into focus later in life, as hormonal changes during perimenopause amplify long-standing struggles with focus, organisation, and overwhelm. Struggle, which social conditioning made her mask and push through, never understanding why her exhaustion and periods of burnout kept returning.

    For these people, it is common to only recognise their ADHD after seeing someone else diagnosed. Looking back, they notice a lifetime of unfinished projects, restless energy, feeling different, and maybe frustration at not reaching their potential. They may never have been anything close to the ‘fidgety schoolboy’ described above.

    For many, this has led to a lifetime of judgment, microaggressions, and misunderstanding about their struggles. Over time, this also fosters a harsh inner critic, as the roots of their difference remain unclear even to them, resulting in low self-esteem and limited self-compassion.

    A more complex picture

    ADHD is actually a complex and varied condition. No two people have the same profile. For some, the restless energy is internalised, showing up as racing thoughts or mental overactivity rather than physically bouncing off the walls with what appears to be excess energy. Others present quietly, appearing dreamy, withdrawn, or a perfectionist as they compensate to hide their struggles. Emotional intensity, time blindness, and hypersensitivity to environments are just as real as fidgeting or impulsivity.

    In addition to the challenges, remarkable strengths are woven alongside. Many people with ADHD experience hyperfocus – that deep absorption in something meaningful where hours disappear, distractions fall away, and the thing produced is fulfilling, sometimes extraordinary. ADHD minds are often imaginative and creative – where others see a single path, someone with ADHD might see ten, making unexpected connections and opening up new possibilities for themselves and others. I’ve seen clients light up when they realise that the “tangents” they once apologised for are actually sources of innovation and creativity.

    There is also a particular resilience that comes from living in a world not built for you. ADHDers often grow resourceful, quick to adapt, and courageous in taking risks others avoid. The restless energy that is often seen as a problem can, in a different context, become fuel, passion, and momentum that propel the person and the projects they are involved in forward. Even the much-misunderstood ‘sensitivity’ has another side. It isn’t only about overwhelm; it can also mean picking up on subtleties others miss: the nuance in a conversation, the emotional undercurrents in a room, or the detail that makes a design work. Far from being “too much,” this perceptiveness is often a gift in relationships, business, creativity, and leadership. And perhaps most importantly, many people with ADHD bring vast amounts of empathy, humour, and warmth. Emotional intensity doesn’t only mean frustration; it can also mean joy, compassion, and connection.

    The danger of stereotypes

    Clinging to stereotypes is not just inaccurate; it can actively harm people. I recently came across a mentor-matching service that decided never to pair two people with ADHD. They presented this as a selling point, but what I heard was a black-and-white view of neurodiversity.

    Her assumption that two people with ADHD won’t be able to help one another was deeply flawed. Putting personality differences aside (which, of course, are a factor in any pairing, ADHD or not), bringing together ADHD people is often highly informative. They empathise more easily with parallel lived experiences, even if their challenges are different. They will undoubtedly have lots of strategies and ideas to share. And their support of each other is, in fact, likely to be especially powerful simply because they are both ADHD.

    This assumption that the ADHD person is ‘broken’ in some way runs deep within society’s thinking and the systems built around it. Too often, ADHD is viewed through the lens of its challenges, and the temptation is to focus on “fixing” or “overcoming” neurodivergence rather than honouring it. Yet, as explored above, ADHD also brings great strengths.

    Journeying through diagnosis

    Identifying one’s ADHD is important as it is through this that people can begin to live life in a way which is healthy for them. They can access support, but also, as crucially, they can embrace their amazing skills and strengths, rebalancing their lived experience with self-compassion, kindness and positivity.

    Everyone’s life and diagnostic journey is different, but there are a few common themes. The sad truth is that in the absence of behaviours associated with the ADHD stereotype, many only start looking for a diagnosis when things seem to be ‘going wrong’, when they are struggling more than their peers, managers have suggested there are problems with their performance, or when their mental health is suffering. Hyper-aware of the things they struggle with, their incredible strengths and skills can easily be ignored or simply dismissed as their ‘normal’. So unaware of them are they, they may only be able to focus on their challenges. And society, while perhaps noticing the odd standout moment of brilliance, follows the person around with ‘why can’t you just…’ statements, undermining the brief moments they shine.

    Identifying ADHD can be a game-changer. The identity transition can feel overwhelming, but ultimately can lead to affirming self-acceptance, growth and flourishing as the person understands they are not broken, just different.

    Why this year’s ADHD month theme really resonates for me

    The Many Faces of ADHD invites us to recognise that ADHD is not a single story but a spectrum of lived experiences. The reality is that ADHD can look like disorganisation and missed appointments, but it can also look like creativity, compassion, and laser focus. Context is everything: what can feel like chaos in one situation can be brilliance in another. By broadening our understanding beyond stereotypes, we challenge stigma and open the door for diagnosis, allowing people to see themselves reflected in the conversation.

    A different perspective

    Like many in the neurodivergent community, I don’t see our differences as something to be fixed or erased. I see it as part of the richness of human diversity. And, because I am neurodivergent myself, I know from lived experience how much difference it makes to be welcomed in spaces where I am respected for who I am.

    When people share insights and experiences, swap strategies, or sit with the relief of not being alone, it creates a powerful foundation for a change in mindset.

    As a coach, I see daily how important it is to move beyond the single story of ADHD. When we make space for all its faces, the values, strengths and strategies, as well as the challenges, we create room for people to embrace their identity with greater compassion and find ways of working with, rather than against, their unique brain.

    Embrace every face

    If you’ve ever wondered whether the many faces of ADHD might include your own, or you’re ready to explore what life could look like when you stop fighting against your brain, I’d love to talk.

  • Why different brains make better business

    Why different brains make better business

    Have you ever felt your workplace doesn’t quite fit the way you think, process and move through the world? From the recruitment process to team dynamics, many workplace ‘rules’ have evolved from stereotypical ideas of how people think and work. Different ways of thinking bring fresh perspectives and powerful strengths – and unlocking them can be a real game-changer for you and the place you work. Sometimes organisations just need a gentle nudge to recognise what is already there.

    What’s the issue?

    Being neurodivergent often means navigating systems and environments that can be overwhelming, unsupportive or just plain confusing. This can cause stress your colleagues may not experience, certainly not in the same way or to the same degree.

    Traditional business practices and environments are shaped by assumptions of how people should think, communicate and behave. From the job application and interviews to onboarding, everything is shaped by these norms. Physical workplaces, too, are rarely designed with wellbeing in mind, particularly for people with sensory processing differences.

    Once in role, recognition and reward frequently focus on generic behaviours : teamwork, multitasking, rapid task-switching, or particular communication styles. For neurodivergent professionals, some of these expectations may feel restrictive, or overwhelming, impacting performance, limiting progression or reducing confidence. Over time, resignation or burnout are strong possibilities.

    The strengths of people who think differently

    Despite what you may have been led to feel, you will undoubtedly bring additional skills and different perspectives. When these are recognised and valued, this can be highly rewarding for you, and can also offer your employer a genuine competitive edge.

    Let’s look at some of these strengths:

    • Exceptional attention to detail, accuracy, and quality control: for those who enjoy fine-tuning, the process itself can be intensely satisfying, and the outcome…polished, reliable products and services that strengthen the organisation’s reputation
    • Pattern recognition and data spotting: noticing anomalies, trends, and connections that others may miss. This can be deeply rewarding for the individual, but also helps organisations avoid costly mistakes, discover fresh opportunities, and explore new ways of working
    • Creativity and divergent thinking: new ideas don’t always have to be groundbreaking – they might be a simple tweak that improves team processes, an inventive solution to a long-standing problem, or a way to fix those everyday irritations no one has got round to yet
    • Hyperfocus and sustained concentration: when fully engaged, some people experience bursts of intense productivity. Beyond personal satisfaction, this level of focus can lead to new insights and breakthroughs that would not surface without deep, sustained thinking
    • Visual thinking and strong perceptual skills: seeing problems through a visual lens can bring fresh perspectives and creative solutions. It can also make information easier to understand, improving accessibility for wider audiences
    • Big-picture, systems and strategic thinking: by connecting ideas across different areas, new approaches to time, effort, and solutions can emerge. This way of thinking also helps teams stay focused on long-term goals, even when day-to-day demands are distracting
    • Strong memory for facts, routines, or specialised interests: reliable recall can be a huge asset in the workplace, providing accurate information quickly, giving teams a stable foundation to build on. For the individual, engaging with areas of interest can also be calming and regulating
    • Persistence and task follow-through: some neurodivergent people excel at seeing tasks through to completion. These practices are often undervalued, yet are essential for ensuring projects reach completion
    • Curiosity and rapid idea generation: the flow of ideas, including tangential thinking, can bring energy to teams and projects. This enthusiasm helps generate momentum, creates new opportunities, and inspires others to get involved
    • Directness and clarity in communication: what may sometimes be labelled as “bluntness” is often a strength – cutting through unnecessary noise and enabling faster, more honest conversations. This clarity supports better collaboration, transparent decisions, and steady progress
    • Empathy and alternative people skills: the idea that neurodivergent people lack empathy is a myth. Many are highly sensitive to the emotions and dynamics around them, just as others are to sensory stimuli. This heightened awareness can help teams spot problems early, nurture opportunities, and strengthen cohesion

    This list is far from exhaustive. Do not expect to identify with every single one of these – and your peers won’t either. But one or two may resonate, and those are the skills that set you apart. They are your USP.

    Why organisations benefit from your coaching time

    Organisations thrive when their people do. Boosting your confidence, supporting your strengths, and fostering an inclusive culture is good for you and will have a knock-on effect on those around you. Effective teams increase the organisation’s competitive edge.

    Neuroinclusive coaching provides one way to achieve this. Working with a coach – particularly one with lived experience of – offers a confidential, supportive space to explore your unique ways of thinking and being. Together, you can develop practical strategies, identify helpful adjustments, and increase both your job satisfaction and the value you bring to your organisation.

    Many employers have Learning & Development (L&D) budgets that can cover coaching. Smaller businesses may suggest applying for Access to Work funding, which can provide coaching, resources, and software. However it is funded, coaching should be seen as an investment in you.

    Thriving people, thriving organisations

    When you feel genuinely welcomed, supported, and valued, you move beyond simply coping and begin to thrive, building the confidence and strategies to tackle what matters most in your workplace. Coaching helps create these conditions, enabling you to recognise your unique strengths and turn them into a personal USP. As you flourish, your organisation also benefits, gaining from the creativity, resilience, and fresh perspectives you bring to your work.

    If you’d like to explore how neuroinclusive coaching can support you at work, I’d love to talk.