Category: Neurodiversity

Language shapes the way we understand and describe the world. When discussing neurodiversity, the words we use to describe ourselves and others impact our identity, sense of belonging, and understanding of difference. They also reveal the assumptions and beliefs we have about these differences in ourselves and others.

Why does this matter?

For most of modern history, society has viewed human differences through what has become referred to as the pathology paradigm (or the medical model). This approach assumes there is one “normal” or “healthy” way for brains and bodies to function, and that any variation is a disorder or a deficit that needs fixing. In the past, this led to people deemed different being hidden away; many still feel the need to hide their true selves. This perspective has also contributed to potentially harmful interventions such as Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA) and continues to drive gene programmes looking to ‘cure’ neurodivergent people.

When we continue with language rooted in the pathology paradigm, words like‘normal’, ‘disorder’, ‘high-functioning’, ‘condition’ and even ‘neurotypical’, unintentionally reinforce the idea that there is a correct way to be, and an incorrect way. This has significant implications for the individual perceived as different, both on a personal level and at a systemic level.

The neurodiversity paradigm, on the other hand, recognises there is natural variation across the human species; we are different, and this is not only ok but also normal. It opens the door to reasonable adjustments and suggests options for more inclusive environments, interactions, and systems.

The words themselves

An individual can be neurodivergent (or neurodifferent). In other words,the person’s neurology diverges from what society has traditionally expected – they have a cognitive experience which diverges from neuronormative expectations, and, from a sensory perspective, they experience aspects of the world differently.

But an individual cannot be neurodiverse. ‘Neurodiverse’ describes a group, not a person. So, neurodivergence refers to the broader pattern of difference. A population or community can be neurodiverse, because it includes people with a range of neurotypes.

But when we’re talking about groups of people who all share some form of neurological divergence, it’s more accurate to describe them as neuro-minorities.

These distinctions matter, not least because they help us discuss individuals and the wider population without judgment, but also because they shift the focus, intent and tone of research and of the support offered to neurodivergent people.

Beyond the brain: a full-body experience

A common misconception is that the ‘neuro’ in neurodivergence refers solely to the brain. In fact, it relates to all our neurones. Neurodivergent differences are expressed in more than brain wiring. Neurones carry information throughout our body, and are involved in sensory processing, motor control, physical and emotional regulation, indeed all the autonomic functions of the body.

Focusing solely on the brain misses the broader picture. Our neurology shapes how we experience life at every level. The nervous system is the interface between oneself and the environment; it is not just a set of neural circuits in the head. Understanding this helps us move away from the idea that neurodivergent conditions are ‘brain disorders’ and towards recognising them as a whole-body way of being. This, in part, helps to explain why many neurodivergent people are unimpressed with the idea of searching for a cure for autism, knowing their autism shapes their whole person, and that it is not possible to separate them from their autism.

Rethinking ‘neurotypical’

The word “neurotypical” can cause problems. And when I wrote the first edition of my book, I too, unconsciously conformed to the pathology paradigm, using this binary approach to our species, inadvertently suggesting there was a right way and therefore a wrong way to be.

Instead, it’s more accurate to talk about neurotypical behaviours rather than neurotypical people. This way, we refer to the behaviours and thought patterns that a particular culture sees as ‘acceptable’ or ‘normal’. It does not exclude neurodivergent people from sharing many of these behaviours in some form. And in fact, the reverse is also true. Some behaviours considered autistic are found throughout the human population, but in a variety of forms – stimming is an example of this.

What is a viable alternative? It has been suggested that the terms ” neuromajority and neurominority be used to reflect the discrepancy in the size of these populations, while not implying that one is ‘normal’, and therefore the other is not.

Seeing neurotypical in this was, as a description of behaviour – a social construct rather than a unified brain type, helps us step away from the idea of ‘us and them’. Instead, its use is simply to observe that cultures define neuronormative ways of being, which are suited to the environments we have built over time, and that this does not always suit neurodivergent ways of thinking and being.

The Neurodiversity Movement

It’s also useful to separate neurodiversity as a concept from the Neurodiversity movement as a social movement. The Neurodiversity movement is not a single organisation, and it doesn’t have a leader. It’s a broad, global civil rights movement driven by many voices, campaigns and communities.

It aims to change how the world talks about neurodiversity and how society treats neuro-minorities. It believes in shifting the narrative from ‘what’s wrong’ to ‘what’s different’ and challenging systems built around narrow definitions.

In this sense, the Neurodiversity movement sits alongside other social justice movements – feminist, queer, disability and anti-racist activism – all pushing for recognition, equality and cultural change.

Crucially, it is not about erasing differences or ignoring the challenges faced by neurominorities, but about noticing them, supporting them and embracing the strengths which come from these differences.

Internalised narratives

Even as we start to embrace the Neurodiversity paradigm, it is unfortunate but understandable that most of us still carry traces of the pathology paradigm. Growing up in a world that measures people against ‘normal’, we naturally absorb those concepts. We unconsciously adopt the language, expectations and self-criticism of the dominant culture, even when we consciously reject its ideas.

This is sometimes called internalised ableism – when society’s judgements about difference become our own inner voice. It can show up as thoughts like:

“I should be able to do this”

“I’m being too sensitive”

“I need to hide this part of myself”

Recognising these thoughts is the first step to loosening the hold of the pathology paradigm. When we become aware of these inherited narratives and beliefs, we can begin replacing them with language and ideas that are more aligned with the neurodiversity paradigm.

Is masking a form of internalised ableism?

This is a question I often ask myself as I think about my own internal narratives. I have been a heavy masker throughout my life, and a common instruction given after diagnosis is ‘drop the mask’.

In the context of this article, the cognitive dissonance for me is as follows: if I choose to continue masking, consciously adapting my behaviour to meet societal norms, am I perpetuating the pathology paradigm, or am I simply navigating the reality of the world as it currently is?

The answer isn’t simple.

Masking is a survival response to living in a society that isn’t yet fully inclusive. For many, it’s a practical way to stay safe, keep a job and manage social interactions. Seen that way, it’s a realistic response to the world as it is now. Change is slow, and for neurominorities used to prejudice, judgment, micro and overt aggressions, expecting us to simply ‘drop the mask’ is unrealistic. Does this mean we are still operating from within the pathology paradigm? Perhaps. Is this ok? No. Is there a clear alternative? Not really.

For now, the only way I have been able to resolve this in my own mind is through conscious choice and awareness. I will mask on my own terms, as and when I feel I need it to cope or stay safe. I look for opportunities to unmask, and I know who my safe people are. It remains a useful survival mechanism, but it is no longer my default starting point. If you are interested in investigating the opportunities around dropping the mask, (or not) why not book a discovery call to talk about how we might do this together.

So, again why does all this matter?

Language isn’t just about communication; it’s about culture. The words we choose shape the stories we tell about ourselves and each other.

When we use language grounded in the neurodiversity paradigm, we help shift society towards greater understanding and acceptance. It’s not just a matter of semantics – it’s about recognising the value of all kinds of minds and bodies.

Getting this right doesn’t just change how we talk; it changes how we see one another. And that’s where real inclusion begins.

How does this shape my coaching practice?

My approach is now firmly grounded in the neurodiversity paradigm, which means I work with you to explore how your unique neurology shows up in daily life, how it influences your energy levels, your relationships, work patterns, and self-perception. By reframing our conversation away from ‘fixing’, we can instead uncover strategies that are affirming, sustainable, and authentic, and investigate constructive perspectives to move forward.

Coaching in this sense is about creating space for genuine self-recognition and for developing ways of living and working that align with who you are.

If this perspective resonates with you, whether you identify as neurodivergent or simply want to understand these ideas more deeply, I invite you to explore with me how a neuro-affirming coaching approach might support your next steps.

There’s a well-known quote attributed to Albert Einstein:

“If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

For those of us whose brains and bodies work differently, this captures something essential. When systems and assumptions don’t accommodate how we actually think, feel, or learn, or describe us in ways which do not reflect what is actually going on for us, it’s easy to see why we begin to believe we’re falling short or broken in some way.

Neuroinclusive, strengths-based coaching offers a different perspective – one that recognises and values our abilities and personal qualities, helping us to see ourselves not as broken, but as whole, capable, creative, and resourceful individuals.

Why a strengths-based approach matters in neurodivergent coaching

For many neurodivergent people, life has involved years, often decades, of adapting, masking, and trying to fit into environments and interactions that don’t naturally accommodate how our minds or bodies work. Along the way, sometimes we experience rejection, exclusion, bullying and ridicule. These episodes can leave deep marks, often leading to confusion around identity, loss of confidence, as well as persistent feelings of shame, anger, worthlessness or fear.

Over time, these experiences become internalised, and we too may view ourselves purely through the medical model’s list of ‘impairments’, focusing on what we struggle with rather than who we are and what we’re capable of. Many of us come to believe, consciously or not, that we are broken and in need of fixing. So, when we reach out for support, it is often from a place of wanting to ‘improve’ or ‘overcome’ something.

But what if there was a different place to begin?

Coaching, by its very nature, is forward-looking and goal-oriented. It is about personal growth and movement. For neurodivergent people, the message really matters. A strengths-based, neuroinclusive approach focuses on the whole picture, what makes you you. Not just what you are good at, what comes naturally to you, or even what’s already working in terms of skills and talents and special interests. It also includes the qualities which reflect your identity and values i.e. honesty, kindness, humour etc. The approach values the whole person and explores how these strengths enrich your daily life, well beyond viewing ‘worth’ in terms of external measures of productivity or employability.

Neuroinclusive, strengths-based coaching uses this increased self-awareness to then guide the direction of your coaching goal and inform your journey towards it.

Listing your strengths might sound simple enough on paper, but for someone who may have spent years being told to work harder at “overcoming” challenges, they may have lost sight of their strengths as well as facets of their identity, and don’t know where to begin. They might be able to generate one or two words or phrases, but many of my clients find it incredibly hard to articulate more than the bare bones initially.

In fact, you already, know a lot about your strengths and have developed incredible strategies which work for you – whether you realise it or not. You will know which environments help you thrive and which strategies help you find balance and focus, you just may not have really analysed it.

A strengths-based approach doesn’t mean ignoring challenges, but it does suggest not starting from them. When we begin with strengths, we shift the internal narrative. We start to remember the things we find important, our values, our way of being in the world. We remember what we do well, the parts of ourselves that we love and value. From here, we can form goals that feel possible and authentic, goals that are aligned with what we know about our real selves.

If you’ve arrived at coaching with a sense of urgency to ‘get better at…’, talking about what’s going well can feel indulgent or beside the point. But practitioners of the strengths-based approach know the key to sustainable change often lies in self-awareness and self-compassion, and this is far easier to attain if you understand your strengths as well as the challenges of your unique profile – how you think, feel and engage with the world, and then build on it.

Using a strengths-based approach to reframe the past

Many neurodivergent people grow up being given behavioural labels and told they need to change who they are – to try harder, be more organised, less sensitive, more ‘normal’. Over time, this shapes how we see ourselves. A strengths-based, neuro-inclusive approach creates space to pause and develop a kinder awareness which can help you move away from viewing descriptors like: ‘overly sensitive’, ‘too intense’ or ‘impulsive’ as problems, and instead see them as part of your unique way of understanding and being in the world, with the potential for incredible contribution.

A few examples:

• What may be described as an ‘obsession’ with a particular topic or hobby, which can make it difficult to shift our attention, could also be viewed as an incredible strength when channelled intentionally. Hyperfocus, coupled with special interests, can generate not only intense personal satisfaction as you hit a ‘flow’ state, but also build remarkable levels of knowledge, fuelling creativity and producing powerful insights in specialist areas.
• Apparent difficulty following conventional processes may be judged as ‘disorganised’ or ‘wilfully disobedient’. In reality, divergent thinking enables the formation of novel connections, the identification of patterns others missed, and the development of innovative solutions. It’s this kind of thinking that underpins creativity and is often at the heart of scientific breakthroughs.
• Being described as ‘too blunt’ or ‘lacking social awareness’ is frequently interpreted as carelessness or even rudeness. Yet, honesty can foster clarity and trust, which can be not only refreshing, but also highly valuable in both personal and professional contexts, often making relationships more real.

The traits associated with neurodivergent conditions are neither good nor bad, they are natural patterns all humans exhibit in some form. For neruodivergent people, these can be strengths or sources of support needs depending on the context. What changes is whether the environment, the expectations, and the tools available make space for that trait to be expressed in a sustainable or supported way. This is why reframing is so important.

Take a look at the following deficit statements and their reframes:

Deficit model: Hyperfocus is a problem because the person loses track of time, it is difficult to get their attention, and they neglect other tasks
Neurodivergent reframe: Hyperfocus enables deep concentration and intense productivity on tasks of interest. This can lead to high-quality, innovative work which others might not achieve – sometimes even leading to step changes and competitor advantage in business and systems. It is also incredibly rewarding, self-regulating even for the individual.

Deficit model: Struggles with aspects of interaction, interrupting conversations, or jumping from topic to topic
Neurodivergent reframe: Fast-paced, associative thinking can be a feature of creativity and enthusiasm. It often reflects a brain that’s processing multiple ideas rapidly and making unique connections, which can lead to great insights and progress both for personal projects and in the workplace.

Deficit model: Too rigid about routines and gets upset when plans change
Neurodivergent reframe: A strong preference for routine can bring stability and predictability to an environment, helping to create calm, organised spaces that support emotional regulation and reduces stress for everyone

Deficit model: Gets overwhelmed in busy social situations
Neurodivergent reframe: Valuing quiet time can lead to deep self-reflection, creativity, and strong one-to-one relationships. It also brings a calming presence to family life and a thoughtful approach to interpersonal connections

Deficit model: Overly fixated on their special interests – it’s hard to get them to talk about anything else
Neurodivergent reframe: Intense passion for a specific interest can bring joy, purpose, and a sense of identity, as well as being an excellent form of self-regulation for the neurodivergent person. Sharing that enthusiasm can strengthen family bonds and introduce others to new perspectives, hobbies, or knowledge. On top of this, the intense interest can lead to insights and novel ideas that others might not notice

Strengths-based, neuroinclusive coaching can help you identify the conditions where your traits serve you best and support you to build strategies for when those same traits create strain.

Even taking time with individual words can be incredibly enlightening. This approach gives you space to revisit the labels you’ve been given throughout your life. This has at least two benefits:

Firstly, words can get attached to behaviours that actually have origins in useful or adaptive survival strategies.

For example:

‘Shyness’ might actually reflect a childhood coping strategy to avoid standing out, to avoid ‘making mistakes’ as you try to work out what is going on around you.

Being ‘bossy’ might actually reflect careful survival strategies around managing your environment so that you do not become overloaded.

Secondly, through missing the underlying origin of the behaviour, it is not uncommon for neurodivergent people to have labels attached to their behaviour, which when exhibited by peers may be given entirely different labels:

• Impulsive – Spontaneous
• Controlling, bossy – Organised or decisive
• Non-compliant – Standing up for oneself
• Blunt – Direct, honest or truthful
• Shy – Introspective

Perhaps think back to the labels you were given as a child. How many of these do you think missed seeing the real you or described traits viewed positively when seen in your peers?

Through coaching, you can gently unpack these old labels and explore what’s true for you now. You might decide to reframe them, relabel them, or leave them behind altogether. This kind of reframing isn’t about ignoring the hard parts – coaching doesn’t pretend challenges don’t exist. Instead, it recognises that many of the strategies you’ve developed to cope or succeed are signs of resilience, not failure.

A strengths-based approach can help you reconnect with your authentic self, so you can advocate for what you need and choose how to move forward. When you understand and value your own traits, it becomes easier to help others see them differently too.

Using your strengths to support your challenges

In strengths-based, neuroinclusive coaching, instead of focusing on what’s hard or what needs improvement, we shine a light on the strengths, strategies and environments that already support your success – even if you haven’t noticed them yet.

This allows you to use this knowledge and these skills with purpose. Together, we look at how your strengths can help scaffold those things you find challenging.

A few examples:

• If task initiation is hard when you’re overwhelmed, but you’re great at breaking things down and planning ahead, we might focus on how to use that planning skill to create a small, clear first step to increase the likelihood of starting a new task
• If your working memory gets overloaded easily, but you have good organisational skills, we might explore external systems or routines which take the pressure off your internal processing
• Someone with good self-awareness in some aspects of their life, might be able to use this to learn how to spot early signs of low energy or stress, and adjust their plans before burnout sets in

Coaching offers the space and support to grow these strengths into consistent strategies. It’s not just about recognising what you’re good at – it’s about learning how to build on that so your tools still work even when you’re tired, anxious, or overwhelmed. A strengths-based approach helps you feel more in control, more confident, and more able to advocate for yourself in ways that are sustainable and authentic.

Self-advocacy through strengths-based coaching

A strengths-based, neuroinclusive coaching approach offers more than just a way to reframe the past or manage daily challenges. It also lays a foundation for powerful self-advocacy – helping you express your needs and communicate your strengths clearly and confidently in both your personal and professional life.

For many neurodivergent people, advocating for ourselves can feel difficult, especially when we’ve been taught to downplay our differences or have internalised negative labels. Coaching helps to gently unpick these messages and replace them with a more accurate, affirming view of who we are.

By focusing on what already works for you – the environments you thrive in, the strategies that support your wellbeing, and the subtle cues you uniquely notice – coaching supports a deeper understanding of both your strengths and challenges. This insight becomes the groundwork for self-advocacy as you begin to recognise not only what you need to succeed, but why those needs are valid. From there, we can explore ways to communicate them effectively.

This process also supports the development of boundary-setting skills. Many neurodivergent people struggle with saying no, expressing overwhelm, or pushing back against unrealistic expectations. By working from a place of strength, coaching helps you understand your challenges not as failings, but as important information about how you function best. Learning to protect these boundaries is key to thriving – whether that’s choosing not to attend overstimulating social events, asking for quiet workspaces, or building routines that work with your energy levels rather than against them. We might work together to develop scripts for requesting accommodations at work, or practice setting personal boundaries that protect your energy and focus.

Ultimately, strengths-based coaching helps shift the narrative. It empowers you to recognise your traits as assets, not weaknesses, and to communicate your needs with confidence and clarity. This kind of self-understanding and advocacy is not just about getting by; it’s about living more fully, more authentically, and with greater happiness. When you’re able to show up in the world as your whole self – and ask for what you need to succeed – that’s when real transformation happens.

What next?

If you’ve spent much of your life adapting to environments that didn’t work for you, being told to tone things down, toughen up, or just try harder, it’s no surprise if your focus has been on ‘fixing’ rather than embracing. But what if the key to meaningful change isn’t about becoming someone different – it’s about becoming more of who you already are?

I invite you to take a moment to reflect:

• What strengths have helped you navigate life, even if they’ve gone unacknowledged by others?
• Where in your life are you still judging yourself by someone else’s standards – like that fish being asked to climb a tree?
• What might shift if you started from your strengths, rather than your struggles?

You don’t have to do this alone. Coaching offers a safe, structured space to explore these questions and more – to reconnect with your authentic self, and to build a future that works with your brain, not against it.

If this resonates with you, perhaps it’s time to begin that conversation. What might be possible if you gave yourself permission to start from what’s already working?

Neuroinclusive coaching is an adaptive and flexible approach which recognises and affirms the diversity of human minds. It is a strengths-based approach which honours the unique ways in which you experience the world. It creates a space that is accessible and affirming, one where you can choose to unmask if you want to.

Ultimately, it aims to offer a safe space that values your strengths, lived experience, and personal goals, all the while recognising that linear goal-setting doesn’t work for everyone, that energy levels fluctuate moment-to-moment, and that sensory and emotional needs are real and valid.

Why work with a neuroinclusive coach?

Coaching can be a powerful tool for reconnecting with yourself, breaking unhelpful patterns, and moving forward with clarity and purpose. But for neurodivergent people, it often comes with added labour – explaining your experience, translating your thinking, and wondering whether the coach truly understands. A neurodivergent diagnosis isn’t just a label; it often marks a profound shift in identity and self-understanding that takes time and support to integrate.

That’s why working with a neuroinclusive coach, especially one who is neurodivergent themselves, can be so impactful. You’re not starting from scratch or trying to justify your perspective. Instead, you’re met with understanding, validation, and approaches that work with your brain and body wiring, not against it, and crucially, you’re working with someone who understands ‘identity transition’. Specialist coaching like this isn’t just helpful; it can be genuinely transformative.

Moving beyond mainstream assumptions

Traditional coaching frameworks are often grounded in mainstream assumptions about goal setting, communication, and productivity. This can unintentionally exclude or frustrate neurodivergent clients. Neuroinclusive coaching recognises that one size does not fit all.

For example:

• For neurodivergent people, progress is often non-linear. Periods of clarity and motivation may be followed by burnout, overwhelm, or shifts in sensory, emotional or executive function. Neuroinclusive coaching takes this into account, adapting pace and expectations accordingly
• Traditional goal-setting activities often involve visualisation exercises or metaphors to define success. For some neurodivergent people, metaphors can feel abstract or even confusing, while conditions like aphantasia (difficulty visualising or imagining) can make these techniques unworkable. Neuroinclusive coaching offers alternative ways to explore goals that are concrete, accessible, and aligned with your thinking style
• Success is often defined by mainstream ideas of productivity, ambition, or a particular model of work/life balance. Yet for some neurodivergent people, priorities differ. You might be more focused on reducing overstimulation, preserving energy, or living in alignment with less ‘typical’ values. Neuroinclusive coaching helps you define success on your own terms unhampered by conventional benchmarks

Why does it matter?

Many neurodivergent people have spent years navigating misunderstanding, mislabelling and systemic barriers, often masking our true selves and internalising limiting beliefs. As a result, we may struggle with confidence, communication and daily functioning in ways that are frequently overlooked or misinterpreted. Neuroinclusive coaching offers a rare opportunity for reflection and recalibration with a person who understands:

• Masking and how it differs from ‘reputation management’
• Executive function challenges coinciding with opportunities to reframe old labels
• Communication differences, including greater insight into how you express yourself and what you may need from the coach in response
• Sensory needs and how these can fluctuate moment-to-moment
• Internalised ableism and how this erodes confidence and generates limiting beliefs
• Systemic biases and who actively supports efforts to challenge these

Neuroinclusive coaches do not try to ‘fix’ or ‘change’ you. Instead, we celebrate together and work to uncover strategies that honour your unique wiring, helping you reframe your internal narratives to reflect a true and strong sense of who you are.

Key benefits of a neuroinclusive approach

No need to explain everything first

When you work with a coach who understands neurodivergence, you don’t have to start by educating them about ADHD, autism, dyslexia or other conditions. We may even share your condition, or have a close family member who does, so we know the shorthand. We understand how these conditions manifest, and crucially, we know they show up differently for everyone.

This means we can start by focusing on you, not just your diagnosis, but your individual needs, strengths, and how you naturally process the world.

Tailored support that works with your brain

Neuroinclusive coaching is all about recognising there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Your specific profile shapes how you reflect, express yourself, or engage with tools. So we adjust the tools to suit you.

That might look like:

• More time to process and reflect
• Using visuals instead of written exercises
• Exploring goals through conversation rather than forms
• Building strategies that support your executive functioning style
• Goals which honour your energy, pace, and priorities

Whatever works best for you, that’s where we start.

A space where you can unmask and be yourself

One of the most significant gifts of working with a neuroinclusive coach is being able to unmask if you want to. There’s space to be authentic, curious, messy, and real.

And that’s often where the best coaching happens, when you feel safe enough to stop translating and start exploring.

Recognising Strengths You May Have Overlooked

Many neurodivergent people carry internalised shame around the way they process emotions, think through problems, or navigate social norms, even when they’re highly competent.

Neuroinclusive coaching offers something different:

• A chance to reframe
• To name the strengths that may have gone unnoticed, been misinterpreted, or undervalued

• To ask: what if the way you are is exactly right?

Coaching that’s grounded in understanding

A neuroinclusive coach is trained to recognise the deeper context behind behaviours. We understand the additional cognitive effort you often invest to function day-to-day. We also recognise the role of unconscious bias in shaping how neurodivergent people are perceived, and actively work to dismantle it.

When a coach understands the science and lived experience of neurodivergent conditions, particularly when we share some of that experience, we show up differently. With more empathy and much more effective support.

You don’t have to do this alone

Whether you’re newly diagnosed, exploring your neurodivergent identity, or trying to rebuild after years of burnout, you deserve support that understands the landscape you’re navigating. Coaching won’t solve everything, but it can provide clarity, compassion, and practical tools for your journey.

If you’re ready to explore what life could feel like with neuroinclusive support, why not get in touch or learn more about the programmes I offer.