Category: Neurodiversity

  • Energy Accounting: A powerful tool for neurodivergent people

    Energy Accounting: A powerful tool for neurodivergent people

    Living well when you’re neurodivergent involves more than juggling tasks or coping with sensory overload. One of the most significant and often invisible considerations is our energy level. Being low on energy can turn something manageable one moment into an overwhelming, nigh-on-impossible struggle the next. This is one of the experiences of being neurodivergent, which has led neurodivergent commentators to reject the high/low functioning descriptor – catch us in a moment of true overwhelm, and we will be really struggling to function at all – but that discussion is for another post.

    For neurodivergent people, whose daily lives may involve significant additional cognitive load, sensory labour and masking, energy drains take many forms. The good news is that with a proactive approach, it is possible to shape the experience rather than simply react to it.

    Understanding the origins of the concept

    The idea of actively engaging with ones energy levels comes from Christine Miserandino’s ‘Spoon Theory’. While chatting with a friend in a café in 2003, she tried to explain what it felt like to live with her chronic illness (lupus). She handed twelve spoons to her friend and asked her to talk through a typical day from the moment she woke. She then removed a spoon for each task or demand her friend listed. Quite quickly, it became apparent her friend was going to run out of spoons before the day was even half over – somewhat predictably, her friend asked for more spoons. Christine smiled – there were no more spoons.

    In this way, Christine illustrated how every choice consumes a limited resource.

    While the spoon metaphor is powerful, energy accounting takes it a few steps further. More than tracking how many ‘spoons’ remain, it looks at what those drains are, and crucially what may give back spoons and how to balance these out.

    Why It Matters for Neurodivergent Brains

    Neurodivergent people often experience the world with heightened sensitivity, have different processing styles, and have varying levels of tolerance for stimulation and unpredictability. What feels “fine” to others might be completely draining for a neurodivergent person.

    You might be familiar with the idea that the brain has different parts: a “rational” part, an “emotional” part, and a “survival” part. In fact, these elements are deeply intertwined. Our survival instincts, emotions, and logical reasoning aren’t separate; they’re constantly influencing one another, and low energy levels will affect all of them.

    While we often believe we ‘should’ be able to think our way out of a panic or “logic” our way through burnout, that’s not how it works. Every part of our brain plays a role in how we respond to stress, joy, fatigue, or excitement. And the level of energy at any moment in time directly affects how fully we engage.

    Sometimes the strategies we use to cope, like withdrawing, avoiding tasks, or shutting down, are actually signs our brain is trying to manage its energy in a difficult situation. Our brain is prioritising survival in the moment, even if the long-term outcome isn’t ideal. We may be totally unaware of this; that’s why consciously understanding our own energy budget is so powerful: it helps us notice when we’re heading toward depletion and enables us to take steps to recover before things spiral. It also helps us build in more energy gains, so we’re not constantly running on empty.

    When we understand what gives us energy and what takes it away, we can begin to make conscious choices about our day, our environment, and our relationships. We can start designing our lives to support our nervous systems, rather than constantly pushing through until we crash.

    Learning to recognise our energy drains and gains can be a gamechanger.

    What drains and what re-energises?

    Recognising that there will be many times each day when our energy is drained away, often in ways that have little to no impact in a neurotypical person’s life, enables us to build in activities and time to counteract this. For many neurodivergent people, this requires a more proactive approach to managing energy levels.

    Unfortunately, there is no magic list of activities; the drains and gains will be different for everyone. In neurodivergent lives, energy drains may lie in places we might not immediately expect. It is probably relatively easy to identify drains on a macro level: ‘school’ or ‘work’. In these instances, it is rarely possible to remove oneself entirely, so it becomes much more about identifying specific elements and finding accommodations to support these moments or activities that provide energy gains before or after.

    By zooming in, it is possible to identify specific drains:

    • A noisy, early-morning commute
    • A long, uninterrupted meeting
    • Flickering lights across the office
    • Sudden changes in room allocation in the school day
    • Masking around work colleagues
    • Specific locations or people

    On the flip side, energy gains might not look like traditional “relaxation” activities either:

    • Stimming
    • Timeout with someone who understands your rhythms
    • Deep focus on your special interest
    • High-intensity physical activity
    • A sensory break or specific sensory stimulation
    • Walking in deep shade on a sunny day (one of mine)
    • A compression garment or weighted blanket
    • Planning activities around peak energy windows

    Choosing your own measurement system

    Keeping track of both drains and gains gives you a clearer picture of your energy budget. Monitoring energy levels in this way can feel somewhat artificial until the practice becomes established. But assuming the metaphor and scale being used ‘makes sense’ to you, there should be some wins appearing very quickly.

    The spoon metaphor works beautifully for some, but many prefer something more personalised. The key is to choose a visual scale which is both engaging and easily understood. For example: weighing scales, marbles in a jar, slices of pizza, a thermometer, or a bank account. The important thing is that the system allows for addingandtaking away (the drain / gain concept).

    When working with children, the metaphor may need to be adapted to feel safe and engaging. It is tempting to tie the practice to their special interest, but beware negative emotions becoming attached to something which, for them, is highly affirming, supportive and important. Make it simple, consistent and meaningful.

    Building the habit of energy accounting

    Energy accounting isn’t about eliminating all energy drains (life doesn’t work like that – we need to access education, we need to work if we can). And of course, many of the things that drain us, we actually really enjoy. Contrary to popular belief many autistic people are highly social, many want and do work. Rather it is about noticing how you can mitigate the energy drain in these situations, and make space for things that energise you.

    It might mean saying no to back-to-back meetings. It might mean keeping a fidget toy in your pocket. It might mean putting a ten-minute nature walk in your calendar every day.

    Identifying big drains (work, school, parenting) may feel straightforward, but the real power lies in noticing the small nuances:

    • Which meetings leave you depleted and why?
    • Which activities or people leave you energised in a surprising way?
    • Are there certain times of day when your system feels more fragile?
    • What sensory, social or cognitive factors shift your energy on a micro-level?

    Once you have your scale and you’ve begun mapping out your drains and gains, you’ll notice opportunities for some fast wins. These small changes can reduce the constant uphill battle of just ‘getting by’.

    Making sustainable change

    Over time, as clients become more familiar with what drains and what energises, I have found they naturally begin to slot in accommodations and micro-breaks that make a real difference. And over time, a monitoring system that perhaps felt artificial becomes intuitive.

    Sustainable change happens when we recognise that our brains and bodies have clear energy needs, and that, by honouring them rather than pushing on through, we not only get by but also begin to thrive.

    Why this matters in coaching

    In my work coaching neurodivergent adults and their families, energy accounting is one of the foundational tools I use. When we don’t have a handle on how much energy we have (and where it goes), even the best strategies are undermined by fatigue, overwhelm or burnout.

    I help clients explore not only what their goals are, but also how to put themselves in the strongest possible position to work towards them, and often this first means understanding and managing energy drains and gains.

    Practical energy accounting unlocks self-awareness, enables positive, achievable strategies, and improves self-compassion.

    If you’d like to explore how this concept might work for you, your family, workplace or education setting, why not book a free discovery call, and let’s start your journey towards clearer energy awareness and a life shaped by you.

  • Why the language of neurodiversity shapes how we see each other

    Why the language of neurodiversity shapes how we see each other

    Language shapes the way we understand and describe the world. When discussing neurodiversity, the words we use to describe ourselves and others impact our identity, sense of belonging, and understanding of difference. They also reveal the assumptions and beliefs we have about these differences in ourselves and others.

    Why does this matter?

    For most of modern history, society has viewed human differences through what has become referred to as the pathology paradigm (or the medical model). This approach assumes there is one “normal” or “healthy” way for brains and bodies to function, and that any variation is a disorder or a deficit that needs fixing. In the past, this led to people deemed different being hidden away; many still feel the need to hide their true selves. This perspective has also contributed to potentially harmful interventions such as Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA) and continues to drive gene programmes looking to ‘cure’ neurodivergent people.

    When we continue with language rooted in the pathology paradigm, words like‘normal’, ‘disorder’, ‘high-functioning’, ‘condition’ and even ‘neurotypical’, unintentionally reinforce the idea that there is a correct way to be, and an incorrect way. This has significant implications for the individual perceived as different, both on a personal level and at a systemic level.

    The neurodiversity paradigm, on the other hand, recognises there is natural variation across the human species; we are different, and this is not only ok but also normal. It opens the door to reasonable adjustments and suggests options for more inclusive environments, interactions, and systems.

    The words themselves

    An individual can be neurodivergent (or neurodifferent). In other words,the person’s neurology diverges from what society has traditionally expected – they have a cognitive experience which diverges from neuronormative expectations, and, from a sensory perspective, they experience aspects of the world differently. These differences may be genetic or acquired through trauma, injury, illness or the use of psychadelics.

    But an individual cannot be neurodiverse. ‘Neurodiverse’ describes a group, not a person. So, neurodivergence refers to the broader pattern of difference. A population or community can be neurodiverse, because it includes people with a range of neurotypes.

    But when we’re talking about groups of people who all share some form of neurological divergence, it’s more accurate to describe them as neuro-minorities.

    These distinctions matter, not least because they help us discuss individuals and the wider population without judgment, but also because they shift the focus, intent and tone of research and of the support offered to neurodivergent people.

    Beyond the brain: a full-body experience

    A common misconception is that the ‘neuro’ in neurodivergence refers solely to the brain. In fact, it relates to all our neurones. Neurodivergent differences are expressed in more than brain wiring. Neurones carry information throughout our body, and are involved in sensory processing, motor control, physical and emotional regulation, indeed all the autonomic functions of the body.

    Focusing solely on the brain misses the broader picture. Our neurology shapes how we experience life at every level. The nervous system is the interface between oneself and the environment; it is not just a set of neural circuits in the head. Understanding this helps us move away from the idea that neurodivergent conditions are ‘brain disorders’ and towards recognising them as a whole-body way of being. This, in part, helps to explain why many neurodivergent people are unimpressed with the idea of searching for a cure for autism, knowing their autism shapes their whole person, and that it is not possible to separate them from their autism.

    Rethinking ‘neurotypical’

    The word “neurotypical” can cause problems. And when I wrote the first edition of my book, I too, unconsciously conformed to the pathology paradigm, using this binary approach to our species, inadvertently suggesting there was a right way and therefore a wrong way to be.

    Instead, it’s more accurate to talk about neurotypical behaviours rather than neurotypical people. This way, we refer to the behaviours and thought patterns that a particular culture sees as ‘acceptable’ or ‘normal’. It does not exclude neurodivergent people from sharing many of these behaviours in some form. And in fact, the reverse is also true. Some behaviours considered autistic are found throughout the human population, but in a variety of forms – stimming is an example of this.

    What is a viable alternative? It has been suggested that the terms neuromajority and neurominority be used to reflect the discrepancy in the size of these populations, while not implying that one is ‘normal’, and therefore the other is not.

    Seeing neurotypical in this way, as a description of behaviour – a social construct rather than a unified brain type, helps us step away from the idea of ‘us and them’. Instead, its use is simply to observe that cultures define neuronormative ways of being, which are suited to the environments we have built over time, and that this does not always suit neurodivergent ways of thinking and being.

    The Neurodiversity Movement

    It’s also useful to separate neurodiversity as a concept from the Neurodiversity movement as a social movement. The Neurodiversity movement is not a single organisation, and it doesn’t have a leader. It’s a broad, global civil rights movement driven by many voices, campaigns and communities.

    It aims to change how the world talks about neurodiversity and how society treats neuro-minorities. It believes in shifting the narrative from ‘what’s wrong’ to ‘what’s different’ and challenging systems built around narrow definitions.

    In this sense, the Neurodiversity movement sits alongside other social justice movements – feminist, queer, disability and anti-racist activism – all pushing for recognition, equality and cultural change.

    Crucially, it is not about erasing differences or ignoring the challenges faced by neurominorities, but about noticing them, supporting them and embracing the strengths which come from these differences.

    Internalised narratives

    Even as we start to embrace the Neurodiversity paradigm, it is unfortunate but understandable that most of us still carry traces of the pathology paradigm. Growing up in a world that measures people against ‘normal’, we naturally absorb those concepts. We unconsciously adopt the language, expectations and self-criticism of the dominant culture, even when we consciously reject its ideas.

    This is sometimes called internalised ableism – when society’s judgements about difference become our own inner voice. It can show up as thoughts like:

    “I should be able to do this”

    “I’m being too sensitive”

    “I need to hide this part of myself”

    Recognising these thoughts is the first step to loosening the hold of the pathology paradigm. When we become aware of these inherited narratives and beliefs, we can begin replacing them with language and ideas that are more aligned with the neurodiversity paradigm.

    Is masking a form of internalised ableism?

    This is a question I often ask myself as I think about my own internal narratives. I have been a heavy masker throughout my life, and a common instruction given after diagnosis is ‘drop the mask’.

    In the context of this article, the cognitive dissonance for me is as follows: if I choose to continue masking, consciously adapting my behaviour to meet societal norms, am I perpetuating the pathology paradigm, or am I simply navigating the reality of the world as it currently is?

    The answer isn’t simple.

    Masking is a survival response to living in a society that isn’t yet fully inclusive. For many, it’s a practical way to stay safe, keep a job and manage social interactions. Seen that way, it’s a realistic response to the world as it is now. Change is slow, and for neurominorities used to prejudice, judgment, micro and overt aggressions, expecting us to simply ‘drop the mask’ is unrealistic. Does this mean we are still operating from within the pathology paradigm? Perhaps. Is this ok? No. Is there a clear alternative? Not really.

    For now, the only way I have been able to resolve this in my own mind is through conscious choice and awareness. I will mask on my own terms, as and when I feel I need it to cope or stay safe. I look for opportunities to unmask, and I know who my safe people are. It remains a useful survival mechanism, but it is no longer my default starting point. If you are interested in investigating the opportunities around dropping the mask, (or not) why not book a discovery call to talk about how we might do this together.

    So, again why does all this matter?

    Language isn’t just about communication; it’s about culture. The words we choose shape the stories we tell about ourselves and each other.

    When we use language grounded in the neurodiversity paradigm, we help shift society towards greater understanding and acceptance. It’s not just a matter of semantics – it’s about recognising the value of all kinds of minds and bodies.

    Getting this right doesn’t just change how we talk; it changes how we see one another. And that’s where real inclusion begins.

    How does this shape my coaching practice?

    My approach is now firmly grounded in the neurodiversity paradigm, which means I work with you to explore how your unique neurology shows up in daily life, how it influences your energy levels, your relationships, work patterns, and self-perception. By reframing our conversation away from ‘fixing’, we can instead uncover strategies that are affirming, sustainable, and authentic, and investigate constructive perspectives to move forward.

    Coaching in this sense is about creating space for genuine self-recognition and for developing ways of living and working that align with who you are.

    If this perspective resonates with you, whether you identify as neurodivergent or simply want to understand these ideas more deeply, I invite you to explore with me how a neuro-affirming coaching approach might support your next steps.

  • Why different brains make better business

    Why different brains make better business

    Have you ever felt your workplace doesn’t quite fit the way you think, process and move through the world? From the recruitment process to team dynamics, many workplace ‘rules’ have evolved from stereotypical ideas of how people think and work. Different ways of thinking bring fresh perspectives and powerful strengths – and unlocking them can be a real game-changer for you and the place you work. Sometimes organisations just need a gentle nudge to recognise what is already there.

    What’s the issue?

    Being neurodivergent often means navigating systems and environments that can be overwhelming, unsupportive or just plain confusing. This can cause stress your colleagues may not experience, certainly not in the same way or to the same degree.

    Traditional business practices and environments are shaped by assumptions of how people should think, communicate and behave. From the job application and interviews to onboarding, everything is shaped by these norms. Physical workplaces, too, are rarely designed with wellbeing in mind, particularly for people with sensory processing differences.

    Once in role, recognition and reward frequently focus on generic behaviours : teamwork, multitasking, rapid task-switching, or particular communication styles. For neurodivergent professionals, some of these expectations may feel restrictive, or overwhelming, impacting performance, limiting progression or reducing confidence. Over time, resignation or burnout are strong possibilities.

    The strengths of people who think differently

    Despite what you may have been led to feel, you will undoubtedly bring additional skills and different perspectives. When these are recognised and valued, this can be highly rewarding for you, and can also offer your employer a genuine competitive edge.

    Let’s look at some of these strengths:

    • Exceptional attention to detail, accuracy, and quality control: for those who enjoy fine-tuning, the process itself can be intensely satisfying, and the outcome…polished, reliable products and services that strengthen the organisation’s reputation
    • Pattern recognition and data spotting: noticing anomalies, trends, and connections that others may miss. This can be deeply rewarding for the individual, but also helps organisations avoid costly mistakes, discover fresh opportunities, and explore new ways of working
    • Creativity and divergent thinking: new ideas don’t always have to be groundbreaking – they might be a simple tweak that improves team processes, an inventive solution to a long-standing problem, or a way to fix those everyday irritations no one has got round to yet
    • Hyperfocus and sustained concentration: when fully engaged, some people experience bursts of intense productivity. Beyond personal satisfaction, this level of focus can lead to new insights and breakthroughs that would not surface without deep, sustained thinking
    • Visual thinking and strong perceptual skills: seeing problems through a visual lens can bring fresh perspectives and creative solutions. It can also make information easier to understand, improving accessibility for wider audiences
    • Big-picture, systems and strategic thinking: by connecting ideas across different areas, new approaches to time, effort, and solutions can emerge. This way of thinking also helps teams stay focused on long-term goals, even when day-to-day demands are distracting
    • Strong memory for facts, routines, or specialised interests: reliable recall can be a huge asset in the workplace, providing accurate information quickly, giving teams a stable foundation to build on. For the individual, engaging with areas of interest can also be calming and regulating
    • Persistence and task follow-through: some neurodivergent people excel at seeing tasks through to completion. These practices are often undervalued, yet are essential for ensuring projects reach completion
    • Curiosity and rapid idea generation: the flow of ideas, including tangential thinking, can bring energy to teams and projects. This enthusiasm helps generate momentum, creates new opportunities, and inspires others to get involved
    • Directness and clarity in communication: what may sometimes be labelled as “bluntness” is often a strength – cutting through unnecessary noise and enabling faster, more honest conversations. This clarity supports better collaboration, transparent decisions, and steady progress
    • Empathy and alternative people skills: the idea that neurodivergent people lack empathy is a myth. Many are highly sensitive to the emotions and dynamics around them, just as others are to sensory stimuli. This heightened awareness can help teams spot problems early, nurture opportunities, and strengthen cohesion

    This list is far from exhaustive. Do not expect to identify with every single one of these – and your peers won’t either. But one or two may resonate, and those are the skills that set you apart. They are your USP.

    Why organisations benefit from your coaching time

    Organisations thrive when their people do. Boosting your confidence, supporting your strengths, and fostering an inclusive culture is good for you and will have a knock-on effect on those around you. Effective teams increase the organisation’s competitive edge.

    Neuroinclusive coaching provides one way to achieve this. Working with a coach – particularly one with lived experience of – offers a confidential, supportive space to explore your unique ways of thinking and being. Together, you can develop practical strategies, identify helpful adjustments, and increase both your job satisfaction and the value you bring to your organisation.

    Many employers have Learning & Development (L&D) budgets that can cover coaching. Smaller businesses may suggest applying for Access to Work funding, which can provide coaching, resources, and software. However it is funded, coaching should be seen as an investment in you.

    Thriving people, thriving organisations

    When you feel genuinely welcomed, supported, and valued, you move beyond simply coping and begin to thrive, building the confidence and strategies to tackle what matters most in your workplace. Coaching helps create these conditions, enabling you to recognise your unique strengths and turn them into a personal USP. As you flourish, your organisation also benefits, gaining from the creativity, resilience, and fresh perspectives you bring to your work.

    If you’d like to explore how neuroinclusive coaching can support you at work, I’d love to talk.

  • Understanding neurodiversity models

    Understanding neurodiversity models

    When we receive a neurodivergent diagnosis, it can feel like seeing ourselves clearly for the first time. Many clients tell me it brings a sense of recognition, even relief:

    “I’m not broken, just different.”

    But with this new self-awareness often comes something else – a reckoning with the models that shape how society views us.

    What are the models and why do they matter?

    The neurodiversity model recognises thinking, learning, and processing differences as natural and valuable variations in the human experience. This model invites us to celebrate uniqueness, acknowledge strengths alongside challenges, and resist the limiting notion that there is one ‘correct’ way to be in the world. Each neurodivergent person has a distinct profile; there is no single story, no universal experience.

    Alongside this is the social model of disability, which places emphasis on the barriers created by a world designed around a set of perceived norms and the impact this has on people whose brains are not wired as ‘expected’. This model states that when environments and expectations exclude neurodivergent needs, it is not the person who is broken, but the system that is unfit. Reasonable adjustments, from this perspective, are therefore not special privileges, but essential steps towards equity and inclusion.

    Then there is the medical model. This describes neurodivergent people as a list of impairments and challenges – viewing the ‘problem’ as residing within them and requireing diagnosis, treatment, or correction to align with normative functioning. This model is currently the dominant one in society, and as a result, a formal diagnosis is often required to access support. However, it typically reduces the individual to a list of ‘impairments’, describing people as ‘disordered’, overlooking the nuanced reality of their lived experience and having little or no interest (certainly during diagnosis) in the strengths that frequently accompany their particular profile – and this is why I, and many in the neurodivergent community, take issue with this model.

    Understanding the models around neurodivergent conditions is important because they shape the way the world interacts with us, what is available to us and how support services engage with us.

    Personally, I am deeply rooted in the Neurodiversity model, and consequently, I believe coaching is not about fixing or changing you. It’s about supporting you to understand how you work best, what truly matters to you, and how to navigate life in a way that honours your authentic self.

    For many of my clients, especially those diagnosed in adulthood, the cognitive dissonance that comes from exposure to the impact of each of these models can be both confusing and exhausting – one moment liberating, the next destabilising.

    Neuroinclusive coaching provides a space to make sense of that complexity, to embrace it without fear or shame. It offers a place to ask the awkward questions, to express the feelings which are coming up as you begin to gain clarity and agency.

    Language really does matter

    Take Autism, for example. A diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is still common in clinical settings, but many in the community prefer the term Autism Spectrum Condition (ASC). The difference may seem unimportant, but the impact is profound. “Disorder” implies brokenness. “Condition” is neutral, even respectful. As Meng-Chuan Lai puts it, it:

    “… allows for the idea of being differently wired neurologically, leading to both cognitive strengths and difficulties.”

    Too often, traits associated with neurodivergent conditions are pathologised, while similar traits in peers are celebrated. An Autistic person might be described as “controlling,” while their peer, displaying the exact same behaviour, as “decisive.” Someone with ADHD might be labelled “impulsive,” whereas for their peer the equivalent may be “spontaneous.” These double standards create invisible barriers and contribute to internalised shame.

    The truth is, we all live with a complex mix of traits and tendencies. Neurodivergent people may experience the world differently – our sensory responses, motivations, social expectations, and communication styles might not align with dominant norms. But when we reframe difference through a lens of strength and diversity rather than pathology, something shifts. And even minor adjustments in our environment or the expectations of people around us can lead to major improvements in confidence, well-being, and productivity.

    It’s important to acknowledge that no single model totally works. One speaker at a recent webinar I attended put it bluntly:

    “There are two models of ADHD, and they’re both wrong.”

    The Medical model says ADHD is a disorder best treated with medication and managed by professionals. The Social model says society is the problem, and if it made space for us, we’d thrive. The truth is probably somewhere in between. Yes, some of us benefit from medication or therapy. Yes, society creates unnecessary obstacles. Both models hold truths.

    So, where next?

    These models matter because they shape how we see ourselves, how others see us, and what support we can access. None of them are perfect, but they all influence access to support, the language we use and our lived experience.

    Whether you’re newly diagnosed, questioning, or simply trying to make sense of a shifting sense of self, I invite you to explore these models with curiosity. Challenge them. Question the language, the assumptions, the systems. Because in doing so, we can start to fix the environments we’re in, and we are then in a stronger position to find a more truthful, affirming understanding of who we are and live it.

    Coaching with me offers a space to do just that: to unpack your experience without judgement; to explore what it means to live authentically; and to discover practical ways to move forward that honour your neurodivergent profile, rather than working against it. If you’re ready to explore how you work best, not how the world thinks you should do get in touch.

  • Reclaim your strengths with neuroinclusive coaching

    Reclaim your strengths with neuroinclusive coaching

    There’s a well-known quote attributed to Albert Einstein:

    “If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

    For those of us whose brains and bodies work differently, this captures something essential. When systems and assumptions don’t accommodate how we actually think, feel, or learn, or describe us in ways which do not reflect what is actually going on for us, it’s easy to see why we begin to believe we’re falling short or broken in some way.

    Neuroinclusive, strengths-based coaching offers a different perspective – one that recognises and values our abilities and personal qualities, helping us to see ourselves not as broken, but as whole, capable, creative, and resourceful individuals.

    Why a strengths-based approach matters in neurodivergent coaching

    For many neurodivergent people, life has involved years, often decades, of adapting, masking, and trying to fit into environments and interactions that don’t naturally accommodate how our minds or bodies work. Along the way, sometimes we experience rejection, exclusion, bullying and ridicule. These episodes can leave deep marks, often leading to confusion around identity, loss of confidence, as well as persistent feelings of shame, anger, worthlessness or fear.

    Over time, these experiences become internalised, and we too may view ourselves purely through the medical model’s list of ‘impairments’, focusing on what we struggle with rather than who we are and what we’re capable of. Many of us come to believe, consciously or not, that we are broken and in need of fixing. So, when we reach out for support, it is often from a place of wanting to ‘improve’ or ‘overcome’ something.

    But what if there was a different place to begin?

    Coaching, by its very nature, is forward-looking and goal-oriented. It is about personal growth and movement. For neurodivergent people, the message really matters. A strengths-based, neuroinclusive approach focuses on the whole picture, what makes you you. Not just what you are good at, what comes naturally to you, or even what’s already working in terms of skills and talents and special interests. It also includes the qualities which reflect your identity and values i.e. honesty, kindness, humour etc. The approach values the whole person and explores how these strengths enrich your daily life, well beyond viewing ‘worth’ in terms of external measures of productivity or employability.

    Neuroinclusive, strengths-based coaching uses this increased self-awareness to then guide the direction of your coaching goal and inform your journey towards it.

    Listing your strengths might sound simple enough on paper, but for someone who may have spent years being told to work harder at “overcoming” challenges, they may have lost sight of their strengths as well as facets of their identity, and don’t know where to begin. They might be able to generate one or two words or phrases, but many of my clients find it incredibly hard to articulate more than the bare bones initially.

    In fact, you already, know a lot about your strengths and have developed incredible strategies which work for you – whether you realise it or not. You will know which environments help you thrive and which strategies help you find balance and focus, you just may not have really analysed it.

    A strengths-based approach doesn’t mean ignoring challenges, but it does suggest not starting from them. When we begin with strengths, we shift the internal narrative. We start to remember the things we find important, our values, our way of being in the world. We remember what we do well, the parts of ourselves that we love and value. From here, we can form goals that feel possible and authentic, goals that are aligned with what we know about our real selves.

    If you’ve arrived at coaching with a sense of urgency to ‘get better at…’, talking about what’s going well can feel indulgent or beside the point. But practitioners of the strengths-based approach know the key to sustainable change often lies in self-awareness and self-compassion, and this is far easier to attain if you understand your strengths as well as the challenges of your unique profile – how you think, feel and engage with the world, and then build on it.

    Using a strengths-based approach to reframe the past

    Many neurodivergent people grow up being given behavioural labels and told they need to change who they are – to try harder, be more organised, less sensitive, more ‘normal’. Over time, this shapes how we see ourselves. A strengths-based, neuro-inclusive approach creates space to pause and develop a kinder awareness which can help you move away from viewing descriptors like: ‘overly sensitive’, ‘too intense’ or ‘impulsive’ as problems, and instead see them as part of your unique way of understanding and being in the world, with the potential for incredible contribution.

    A few examples:

    • What may be described as an ‘obsession’ with a particular topic or hobby, which can make it difficult to shift our attention, could also be viewed as an incredible strength when channelled intentionally. Hyperfocus, coupled with special interests, can generate not only intense personal satisfaction as you hit a ‘flow’ state, but also build remarkable levels of knowledge, fuelling creativity and producing powerful insights in specialist areas.
    • Apparent difficulty following conventional processes may be judged as ‘disorganised’ or ‘wilfully disobedient’. In reality, divergent thinking enables the formation of novel connections, the identification of patterns others missed, and the development of innovative solutions. It’s this kind of thinking that underpins creativity and is often at the heart of scientific breakthroughs.
    • Being described as ‘too blunt’ or ‘lacking social awareness’ is frequently interpreted as carelessness or even rudeness. Yet, honesty can foster clarity and trust, which can be not only refreshing, but also highly valuable in both personal and professional contexts, often making relationships more real.

    The traits associated with neurodivergent conditions are neither good nor bad, they are natural patterns all humans exhibit in some form. For neruodivergent people, these can be strengths or sources of support needs depending on the context. What changes is whether the environment, the expectations, and the tools available make space for that trait to be expressed in a sustainable or supported way. This is why reframing is so important.

    Take a look at the following deficit statements and their reframes:

    Deficit model: Hyperfocus is a problem because the person loses track of time, it is difficult to get their attention, and they neglect other tasks
    Neurodivergent reframe: Hyperfocus enables deep concentration and intense productivity on tasks of interest. This can lead to high-quality, innovative work which others might not achieve – sometimes even leading to step changes and competitor advantage in business and systems. It is also incredibly rewarding, self-regulating even for the individual.

    Deficit model: Struggles with aspects of interaction, interrupting conversations, or jumping from topic to topic
    Neurodivergent reframe: Fast-paced, associative thinking can be a feature of creativity and enthusiasm. It often reflects a brain that’s processing multiple ideas rapidly and making unique connections, which can lead to great insights and progress both for personal projects and in the workplace.

    Deficit model: Too rigid about routines and gets upset when plans change
    Neurodivergent reframe: A strong preference for routine can bring stability and predictability to an environment, helping to create calm, organised spaces that support emotional regulation and reduces stress for everyone

    Deficit model: Gets overwhelmed in busy social situations
    Neurodivergent reframe: Valuing quiet time can lead to deep self-reflection, creativity, and strong one-to-one relationships. It also brings a calming presence to family life and a thoughtful approach to interpersonal connections

    Deficit model: Overly fixated on their special interests – it’s hard to get them to talk about anything else
    Neurodivergent reframe: Intense passion for a specific interest can bring joy, purpose, and a sense of identity, as well as being an excellent form of self-regulation for the neurodivergent person. Sharing that enthusiasm can strengthen family bonds and introduce others to new perspectives, hobbies, or knowledge. On top of this, the intense interest can lead to insights and novel ideas that others might not notice

    Strengths-based, neuroinclusive coaching can help you identify the conditions where your traits serve you best and support you to build strategies for when those same traits create strain.

    Even taking time with individual words can be incredibly enlightening. This approach gives you space to revisit the labels you’ve been given throughout your life. This has at least two benefits:

    Firstly, words can get attached to behaviours that actually have origins in useful or adaptive survival strategies.

    For example:

    ‘Shyness’ might actually reflect a childhood coping strategy to avoid standing out, to avoid ‘making mistakes’ as you try to work out what is going on around you.

    Being ‘bossy’ might actually reflect careful survival strategies around managing your environment so that you do not become overloaded.

    Secondly, through missing the underlying origin of the behaviour, it is not uncommon for neurodivergent people to have labels attached to their behaviour, which when exhibited by peers may be given entirely different labels:

    • Impulsive – Spontaneous
    • Controlling, bossy – Organised or decisive
    • Non-compliant – Standing up for oneself
    • Blunt – Direct, honest or truthful
    • Shy – Introspective

    Perhaps think back to the labels you were given as a child. How many of these do you think missed seeing the real you or described traits viewed positively when seen in your peers?

    Through coaching, you can gently unpack these old labels and explore what’s true for you now. You might decide to reframe them, relabel them, or leave them behind altogether. This kind of reframing isn’t about ignoring the hard parts – coaching doesn’t pretend challenges don’t exist. Instead, it recognises that many of the strategies you’ve developed to cope or succeed are signs of resilience, not failure.

    A strengths-based approach can help you reconnect with your authentic self, so you can advocate for what you need and choose how to move forward. When you understand and value your own traits, it becomes easier to help others see them differently too.

    Using your strengths to support your challenges

    In strengths-based, neuroinclusive coaching, instead of focusing on what’s hard or what needs improvement, we shine a light on the strengths, strategies and environments that already support your success – even if you haven’t noticed them yet.

    This allows you to use this knowledge and these skills with purpose. Together, we look at how your strengths can help scaffold those things you find challenging.

    A few examples:

    • If task initiation is hard when you’re overwhelmed, but you’re great at breaking things down and planning ahead, we might focus on how to use that planning skill to create a small, clear first step to increase the likelihood of starting a new task
    • If your working memory gets overloaded easily, but you have good organisational skills, we might explore external systems or routines which take the pressure off your internal processing
    • Someone with good self-awareness in some aspects of their life, might be able to use this to learn how to spot early signs of low energy or stress, and adjust their plans before burnout sets in

    Coaching offers the space and support to grow these strengths into consistent strategies. It’s not just about recognising what you’re good at – it’s about learning how to build on that so your tools still work even when you’re tired, anxious, or overwhelmed. A strengths-based approach helps you feel more in control, more confident, and more able to advocate for yourself in ways that are sustainable and authentic.

    Self-advocacy through strengths-based coaching

    A strengths-based, neuroinclusive coaching approach offers more than just a way to reframe the past or manage daily challenges. It also lays a foundation for powerful self-advocacy – helping you express your needs and communicate your strengths clearly and confidently in both your personal and professional life.

    For many neurodivergent people, advocating for ourselves can feel difficult, especially when we’ve been taught to downplay our differences or have internalised negative labels. Coaching helps to gently unpick these messages and replace them with a more accurate, affirming view of who we are.

    By focusing on what already works for you – the environments you thrive in, the strategies that support your wellbeing, and the subtle cues you uniquely notice – coaching supports a deeper understanding of both your strengths and challenges. This insight becomes the groundwork for self-advocacy as you begin to recognise not only what you need to succeed, but why those needs are valid. From there, we can explore ways to communicate them effectively.

    This process also supports the development of boundary-setting skills. Many neurodivergent people struggle with saying no, expressing overwhelm, or pushing back against unrealistic expectations. By working from a place of strength, coaching helps you understand your challenges not as failings, but as important information about how you function best. Learning to protect these boundaries is key to thriving – whether that’s choosing not to attend overstimulating social events, asking for quiet workspaces, or building routines that work with your energy levels rather than against them. We might work together to develop scripts for requesting accommodations at work, or practice setting personal boundaries that protect your energy and focus.

    Ultimately, strengths-based coaching helps shift the narrative. It empowers you to recognise your traits as assets, not weaknesses, and to communicate your needs with confidence and clarity. This kind of self-understanding and advocacy is not just about getting by; it’s about living more fully, more authentically, and with greater happiness. When you’re able to show up in the world as your whole self – and ask for what you need to succeed – that’s when real transformation happens.

    What next?

    If you’ve spent much of your life adapting to environments that didn’t work for you, being told to tone things down, toughen up, or just try harder, it’s no surprise if your focus has been on ‘fixing’ rather than embracing. But what if the key to meaningful change isn’t about becoming someone different – it’s about becoming more of who you already are?

    I invite you to take a moment to reflect:

    • What strengths have helped you navigate life, even if they’ve gone unacknowledged by others?
    • Where in your life are you still judging yourself by someone else’s standards – like that fish being asked to climb a tree?
    • What might shift if you started from your strengths, rather than your struggles?

    You don’t have to do this alone. Coaching offers a safe, structured space to explore these questions and more – to reconnect with your authentic self, and to build a future that works with your brain, not against it.

    If this resonates with you, perhaps it’s time to begin that conversation. What might be possible if you gave yourself permission to start from what’s already working?

    Book a FREE Discovery Call
  • What is neuroinclusive coaching?

    What is neuroinclusive coaching?

    Neuroinclusive coaching is an adaptive and flexible approach which recognises and affirms the diversity of human minds. It is a strengths-based approach which honours the unique ways in which you experience the world. It creates a space that is accessible and affirming, one where you can choose to unmask if you want to.

    Ultimately, it aims to offer a safe space that values your strengths, lived experience, and personal goals, all the while recognising that linear goal-setting doesn’t work for everyone, that energy levels fluctuate moment-to-moment, and that sensory and emotional needs are real and valid.

    Why work with a neuroinclusive coach?

    Coaching can be a powerful tool for reconnecting with yourself, breaking unhelpful patterns, and moving forward with clarity and purpose. But for neurodivergent people, it often comes with added labour – explaining your experience, translating your thinking, and wondering whether the coach truly understands. A neurodivergent diagnosis isn’t just a label; it often marks a profound shift in identity and self-understanding that takes time and support to integrate.

    That’s why working with a neuroinclusive coach, especially one who is neurodivergent themselves, can be so impactful. You’re not starting from scratch or trying to justify your perspective. Instead, you’re met with understanding, validation, and approaches that work with your brain and body wiring, not against it, and crucially, you’re working with someone who understands ‘identity transition’. Specialist coaching like this isn’t just helpful; it can be genuinely transformative.

    Moving beyond mainstream assumptions

    Traditional coaching frameworks are often grounded in mainstream assumptions about goal setting, communication, and productivity. This can unintentionally exclude or frustrate neurodivergent clients. Neuroinclusive coaching recognises that one size does not fit all.

    For example:

    • For neurodivergent people, progress is often non-linear. Periods of clarity and motivation may be followed by burnout, overwhelm, or shifts in sensory, emotional or executive function. Neuroinclusive coaching takes this into account, adapting pace and expectations accordingly
    • Traditional goal-setting activities often involve visualisation exercises or metaphors to define success. For some neurodivergent people, metaphors can feel abstract or even confusing, while conditions like aphantasia (difficulty visualising or imagining) can make these techniques unworkable. Neuroinclusive coaching offers alternative ways to explore goals that are concrete, accessible, and aligned with your thinking style
    • Success is often defined by mainstream ideas of productivity, ambition, or a particular model of work/life balance. Yet for some neurodivergent people, priorities differ. You might be more focused on reducing overstimulation, preserving energy, or living in alignment with less ‘typical’ values. Neuroinclusive coaching helps you define success on your own terms unhampered by conventional benchmarks

    Why does it matter?

    Many neurodivergent people have spent years navigating misunderstanding, mislabelling and systemic barriers, often masking our true selves and internalising limiting beliefs. As a result, we may struggle with confidence, communication and daily functioning in ways that are frequently overlooked or misinterpreted. Neuroinclusive coaching offers a rare opportunity for reflection and recalibration with a person who understands:

    • Masking and how it differs from ‘reputation management’
    • Executive function challenges coinciding with opportunities to reframe old labels
    • Communication differences, including greater insight into how you express yourself and what you may need from the coach in response
    • Sensory needs and how these can fluctuate moment-to-moment
    • Internalised ableism and how this erodes confidence and generates limiting beliefs
    • Systemic biases and who actively supports efforts to challenge these

    Neuroinclusive coaches do not try to ‘fix’ or ‘change’ you. Instead, we celebrate together and work to uncover strategies that honour your unique wiring, helping you reframe your internal narratives to reflect a true and strong sense of who you are.

    Key benefits of a neuroinclusive approach

    No need to explain everything first

    When you work with a coach who understands neurodivergence, you don’t have to start by educating them about ADHD, autism, dyslexia or other conditions. We may even share your condition, or have a close family member who does, so we know the shorthand. We understand how these conditions manifest, and crucially, we know they show up differently for everyone.

    This means we can start by focusing on you, not just your diagnosis, but your individual needs, strengths, and how you naturally process the world.

    Tailored support that works with your brain

    Neuroinclusive coaching is all about recognising there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Your specific profile shapes how you reflect, express yourself, or engage with tools. So we adjust the tools to suit you.

    That might look like:

    • More time to process and reflect
    • Using visuals instead of written exercises
    • Exploring goals through conversation rather than forms
    • Building strategies that support your executive functioning style
    • Goals which honour your energy, pace, and priorities

    Whatever works best for you, that’s where we start.

    A space where you can unmask and be yourself

    One of the most significant gifts of working with a neuroinclusive coach is being able to unmask if you want to. There’s space to be authentic, curious, messy, and real.

    And that’s often where the best coaching happens, when you feel safe enough to stop translating and start exploring.

    Recognising Strengths You May Have Overlooked

    Many neurodivergent people carry internalised shame around the way they process emotions, think through problems, or navigate social norms, even when they’re highly competent.

    Neuroinclusive coaching offers something different:

    • A chance to reframe
    • To name the strengths that may have gone unnoticed, been misinterpreted, or undervalued
    • To ask: what if the way you are is exactly right?

    Coaching that’s grounded in understanding

    A neuroinclusive coach is trained to recognise the deeper context behind behaviours. We understand the additional cognitive effort you often invest to function day-to-day. We also recognise the role of unconscious bias in shaping how neurodivergent people are perceived, and actively work to dismantle it.

    When a coach understands the science and lived experience of neurodivergent conditions, particularly when we share some of that experience, we show up differently. With more empathy and much more effective support.

    You don’t have to do this alone

    Whether you’re newly diagnosed, exploring your neurodivergent identity, or trying to rebuild after years of burnout, you deserve support that understands the landscape you’re navigating. Coaching won’t solve everything, but it can provide clarity, compassion, and practical tools for your journey.

    If you’re ready to explore what life could feel like with neuroinclusive support, why not get in touch or learn more about the programmes I offer.

    Book a FREE Discovery Call
  • Identity transition after a neurodivergent diagnosis

    Identity transition after a neurodivergent diagnosis

    Discovering you are neurodivergent, whether through a formal diagnosis or self-identification, can be life-changing. For many, it begins as a moment of profound recognition. But what follows is often less talked about: identity transition.

    Everyone experiences identity transition differently, but there do appear to be some common themes, and it is not unusual to hear people use words like grief and bereavement as well as relief and euphoria in connection with their experience.

    To those on the ‘outside’, these words can sound dramatic. But think about it, the person has just realised the long-held beliefs about who they are could need a whole rethink. Not only that, but there are possible explanations for all the things they have been confused by, all the challenges they have had, which may or may not feel empowering.

    For some people, identity transition is absolutely a grieving experience – they grieve the person they had assumed they were, mourn opportunities missed and hardships experienced, or experience distress about the shift in a future they had hoped for themselves (or indeed all of the above).

    The fact that in many cases they were already asking questions about the way their brain and body worked doesn’t necessarily lessen the impact of these realisations. Like it or not, for many, this forces a re-evaluation of their past, a reconfiguration of the present and a new perspective on what their future might look like.  And just like grief and bereavement, this can stir up a whole host of emotions, sometimes all at once, without warning.

    Life before

    Before discovering we are neurodivergent in some way, many of us interpret our challenges through the deficit-based lens that society has peddled our entire lives. We internalise painful messages: that we’re lazy, broken, too much, or not enough. We ‘fail’ at being ‘normal’, we try harder, mask, and struggle on. Even if we have not absorbed lots of negative beliefs about ourselves (show me someone who hasn’t, I want to shake their hand), many of us will still have recognised and struggled with feeling somehow different, even if we did not know the specifics of how or why. A diagnosis can come as both a revelation and a rupture. On one hand, it offers a powerful new lens through which everything can start to make sense. On the other hand, it challenges the entire narrative we have built our life around.

    Some people describe this as liberating; others are devastated. One thing is for sure: it is rarely one or the other, and we are pulled between emotions daily. This tension, between relief and grief, validation and new challenges, is at the heart of what the ND community refer to as identity transition.

    A grief cycle

    The emotional experience is sometimes mapped onto the Kübler-Ross model of grief. It’s not always neat or linear, but the stages frequently show up in some form:

    • Denial: “It can’t be that simple” or “Maybe the assessment was wrong.”
    • Anger: “Why didn’t anyone see this sooner?” or “I missed out on so much.”
    • Bargaining: “If I just try harder, maybe I can still fit in.”
    • Depression: “How different could my life have been if I’d known?”
    • Acceptance: “This is my reality now. I can work with it.”

    As with bereavement, these phases don’t arrive politely one after another; they crash into each other several times a day, often with no warning, and they can completely derail you.

    For me, there were periods when I couldn’t recognise myself, where I didn’t know what I thought any more. It was overwhelming, disorientating, and lonely.

    Where this experience differs from the grief cycle is that there can also be moments of euphoria, relief, or validation. That rush of “things are starting to make sense” can be exhilarating. But even that can be short-lived. As Cynthia Kim of musingsofanaspie.com wrote:

    “Once the bright shiny new ‘this explains everything’ stage wore off, I started thinking about the other side of being autistic…the challenges I faced weren’t imagined and they weren’t going to magically disappear. They were with me for life.”

    Mourning the ‘old self’

    What makes this process particularly intense is that it often involves mourning a version of ourselves that never quite fit in the first place, but one that we tried so hard to sustain. Many of us shaped our lives around external expectations, masking our differences, and working twice as hard to appear ‘normal.’

    So the grief we talk about in this transition can include mourning lost time, missed opportunities, and relationships damaged by misunderstanding.

    This period can also surface internalised ableism, those subtle, harmful beliefs about what it means to be different, which we may have absorbed over the years, making it difficult to simply embrace the new information.

    Rebuilding identity

    After diagnosis we need to rebuild. Without guidance or role models, this can feel overwhelming which is why support after diagnosis is so important.

    Unfortunately, all too often, we are left to pick up the pieces alone. Professional support is often not available in a timely manner, and our partners and friends struggle to know how to help. Figuring out a way ahead without support can be incredibly difficult, particularly if we are unaware that identity transition is a ‘thing’ we will all experience in some shape or form, and this on top of everything else we have been dealing with.

    Rebuilding is about stitching together a new identity, one based on truth and self-compassion. It might involve:

    • Reinterpreting the past through a neurodivergent lens
    • Reframing traits or behaviours once described as flaws
    • Connecting with others who share similar experiences
    • Exploring more authentic ways of living and relating

    It’s more than ‘just a phase’, and it’s not always easy.

    What support should look like

    If we recognise identity transition as part of the diagnostic journey, then the lack of follow-up support becomes all the more concerning. Whether this experience lasts months or years, everyone connected with the person needs to understand this isn’t just a ‘difficult patch’, a major psychological shift is happening – it is exhausting, confusing, upsetting, even if it is also liberating.

    Patience and understanding from family and friends are paramount, particularly as we experiment with adjustments and unmasking. We need you to understand that we are the same person underneath, but the way we present may shift. If we seem more neurodivergent after diagnosis, this could be seen as a complement – we feel safe enough around you to unmask, or we have gained confidence to advocate for our legitimate needs.

    Just know

    There is no right way to respond to your discovery. Processing will take time, and it takes as long as it takes.

    There are lots of us who have been there already, seek us out, ask for support – you do not have to navigate this on your own. And there is no shame in asking.

    Coming to terms with a neurodivergent identity is often as destabilising as it is illuminating. One thing is certain, in this process – it is not a linear journey; you will have days where you feel like you are on a rollercoaster, but ultimately, you will find clarity and healing.

    To acknowledge this experience as an identity transition is to give it the weight it deserves. And like all transformations, it needs compassion, time, and the right kind of support.

    If you’re on that path, you’re not alone. And you are not broken. You’re becoming. Your neurodivergent community welcomes you, understands you and celebrates with you.

    Book a FREE Discovery Call